Unplugged*

A little over two weeks ago I unplugged myself from Facebook. I deactivated my personal account and walked away cold turkey.

A few of people have asked me why I chose to get rid of it, and I feel like the old break-up cliche best fits: It’s not you, it’s me. I learn a little bit more about myself with each passing year, and I think I have a bit of an addictive personality and I have trouble doing anything in moderation. As much as I love seeing everyone’s photos and updates, I felt like I was wasting my life away trolling through the newsfeed. I felt like my phone was permanently glued to my hand and I was constantly checking it. I’ve tried deleting the app, but I knew Facebook was still there in the background, waiting for me to log in and waste another 30 minutes that I could be using to do something more productive.

And in the spirit of complete honesty, there have been moments where the things I see on Facebook have made me doubt myself as a mother, teacher, friend, wife, etc. More than once I caught myself comparing my life to things I saw splashed on Facebook. Every so often I found myself questioning things like why my home didn’t look as beautiful (or as clean) as others… or why I couldn’t seem to come up with crazy fun activities for my kids all day every day…  or why I never felt or looked as put together as some of my friends, etc. I know it’s completely irrational and that Facebook is tricky because we only see one side of a story, but in the past I have struggled with my self-confidence and as much as I tried to stop, I kept comparing my life to everyone around me… and I didn’t always feel that I measured up. So, I walked away. I took a “time out”, if you will.

(We have lots of those in my house nowadays. *sigh* How long does the threenager phase last?!)

And honestly? It has been so, so great.

I’m not going to lie, it felt a little weird at first. I was so used to checking it every 10 minutes that I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I found myself picking up my phone as per usual, then I’d quickly browse through Instagram and Twitter, and then… nothing. My phone suddenly became rather boring… so I’ve found that I’m picking it up less.

And I love that.

Also, I feel like it’s a little bit more exciting talking to people because (aside from a few glimpses from a few friends on Instagram) I’m limited in the information I have about what’s going on in their lives.  My conversations feel more meaningful, and instead of feeling like I’m out of the loop (which I’m sure I probably am), I feel like I’m connecting with my friends and family in a real way. I’m texting more often, writing actual emails (what?!), and I’m using my phone. To call people. (*gasp*) Who knew that phones still had that capability?!

Get ready, you’re probably on my list and will get a phone attack from me in the future. haha

In short, it’s been great. Aside from connecting today to post this as a quick explanation for why I chose to drop off the face of the earth, Facebook and I have broken up.

And I feel really good about it.

No regrets.

A few days ago someone asked me, “…but how will you keep in touch with everyone?!” Facebook was definitely the most convenient method, but there’s always email, carrier pigeons or tin can phones, and of course, I’ll always be here. I’ve felt such a pull to start writing again, and now that the kids are a little older and a little more independent I’m hoping to get in a bit of a routine again.

I may not stay away forever, but I’m going to keep running with this, at least for now. I’m loving being a little more unplugged. :)

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A Sweet Farewell*

Hello again :)

I think this may have been the longest I’ve gone without writing here. I just checked the date of my last post–January 18th. Has it really been three months since I last updated?

A lot has happened in those three months, and I regret not writing down my feelings as we went through it. The biggest change is that I ended up going back to work much earlier than anticipated. As the end of my maternity leave approached at the end of January, I decided to extend my leave by 6 weeks so that I could stay home with the kids a little longer. So, when a job came up at my old school that was supposed to start at the end of March, it seemed like a perfect fit. There’s a bit of back story that I’ll fill in later, but the short version is that I was offered the job with a “small” caveat–the start date was pushed up to January 29th. It’s been a crazy transition, but despite the madness I’m really enjoying being back at work.

I missed teaching, and I’ve really missed writing. Life has been busier than ever for the Hubster and I as we’ve tried to juggle working with time with the kids, ourselves and each other. I feel like my time is so precious now, as I have so little of it that I feel is really “mine”.

And yet I feel like I’m wasting so much of it… on Facebook.

Oh, Facebook. I love it. I really do. I love seeing the status updates, the photos, the funny memes and videos. I love the drama in some of the groups I’m in, and I love all the uplifting messages I see posted there all the time.

I do not love the amount of time I spend trolling through the news feed. And I just. can’t. stop. I’ve tried to cut back or spend less time, but I’m totally an addict. I know that it’s there *waiting* for me, so I creep back on “just for a second”. And then I look at my clock and realize that I’ve spent 30 minutes refreshing my newsfeed just in case someone posts something that I absolutely cannot miss.

(Yes, I’ve become that person. *sigh*)

A little while ago a friend of mine let me know that she no longer used Facebook, and shortly after that she told me she had basically gotten rid of all her social media accounts. I obviously looked at her like she had grown a second head and puzzled over why someone would want to disconnect like that.

And then… the more that I puzzled, the more it appealed to me. I waste so much time, and I have so little time to waste. I have this beautiful blog that I’ve spent years building that sits neglected because the time I could be spending writing and creating is wasted watching videos and reading status updates. I can still share recipes and stories here, and I’ve decided to keep my Instagram account because I love sharing photos.

Somehow Facebook has become the first thing I check on my phone in the morning, and I feel like I’m constantly on it throughout the day. And let’s be honest… most of the time I feel like I’m creeping on people I haven’t spoken to in real life in years. I feel like I’ve been using it a shield to keep tabs on people from a distance instead of actually, truly communicating with my wonderful family and friends.

I’ve been thinking about it for several weeks, and when I woke up this morning, I decided that today was the day. Part of me is freaking out a little (I’m going to miss EVERYTHING. AH.) but mostly I’m excited. It feels strangely liberating.

So, this is it. From here on out, all my updates, stories, Paleo-ish and running adventures will be here and on Instagram. I also love emails and texts, and I am hoping to stay in touch with all of you… just in a different way. :)

Peace out, Facebook.

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Paleo(ish) Trial – Week Two Review

Well, I did it!

Today was last day of my two-week Paleo(ish) Trial. It’s been an awesome two weeks, and I am so so glad that I stopped using my lack of self-control as an excuse to avoid this. I have spent years being that person who “couldn’t”–I couldn’t possibly give up sugar because I have no will power. I couldn’t possibly stop eating processed foods because I’m so busy! I couldn’t possibly make better meals for myself because I have no time.

I’m so happy that I finally proved myself wrong. Life is so much better when you just stop believing that you can’t so something… let me be proof that you can.

I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but I used to get insane sugar cravings. They were so bad. Once one started it was like I couldn’t focus on anything until I had satisfied it. I used to sneak down to the basement or hide in in the kitchen to eat a cookie (or four) because I didn’t want Ruby to see me eating things I knew I shouldn’t. I would hear myself telling her that she couldn’t have it because it wasn’t good for her, then I would turn my back and eat that exact thing I wouldn’t let my daughter have. I knew I wasn’t setting a good example for my family, and it took me a long time to accept it and be ready to do something about it.

This has been a big change for me. The things I’m eating aren’t really all that different from things I would normally buy, but this trial has helped me “cut out the crap” and break some really bad habits.

I think that the way I’ve approached breakfast these past two weeks has been one of the biggest changes. Instead of reaching for frozen waffles or toast, I’m beginning my day with eggs, greek yogurt, fruit or a smoothie. I find myself SO full afterward that I’ve cut out my mid-morning crash where I would begin my day’s downward spiral of poor food choices.

In fact, this trial has pretty much helped me to cut out snacking all together. The meals were simple, delicious and very filling, and I stopped having those crashes through the day where I felt like I needed to eat something, even though I wasn’t really hungry.

It has also helped make me even more aware of some pretty bad habits I have when I’m out. I somehow got in this routine of buying myself a “treat” almost every time I’m out. As I cut out sugar, processed foods and fast foods completely from day one, it took me a day or two for my mind to catch up. I ran out on an errand one evening, and as I was coming home I thought, “Oh, I’ll just swing in here and get myself a donut”. It took me a minute to remember that those are definitely not Paleo(ish) and I was still very full from dinner. Actually, I was very proficient at justifying why I “needed” or should be allowed to have something from any fast food place I passed.

And I never, ever felt good after I ate it.

Now that I’ve cut it out for two weeks, I can honestly say that I can’t remember the last time that I felt this good. I have so much more energy, my mind feels clearer, and I feel better about myself now that I’m not mindlessly snacking on garbage all day long just because it’s “there”.

I really don’t find that I’ve missed any of the foods that I’ve reduced or cut out. Seriously.

(I honestly never ever thought that I’d say that.)

(I mean, I seriously love dessert. And allll the carbs. And all kinds of things that are not good for me.)

So, this is why I’ve decided to make this a permanent change for me. I get that the Paleo(ish) diet is not for everyone, but this has been such a positive experience that I just don’t want to go back to the way I was eating before. I don’t think I’ll ever adopt a hardcore Paleo lifestyle–kudos to those that do, it’s just too much for me. But the changes I’ve made over the last two weeks have been just enough to motivate me to stay on this path. The changes to my meals weren’t really all that hard… making the decision to start was.

In short, it’s helped me understand that my body is worth “fueling” with good foods. That I am worth it.

So, that’s where I am. I think I’ll stop posting photos of every meal I make, but I would love to keep sharing photos and recipes for new things I’m trying. I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead today and buying a juicer or nutribullet is on the top of my list.

(After I buy a new vacuum. I desperately need a new vacuum.)

Thanks for following me through my trial–your encouragement, support and suggestions were SO helpful and made this so much fun for me! Please keep it coming–I love trying your recipes and ideas as I still feel so new on this healthy eating train.

So, my Paleo(ish) Trial has officially ended… but my new healthier lifestyle has only just begun. :)

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The Paleo(ish) Trial – Mid Week Update*

Well, I’m about half way through week two of my Paleo(ish) Trial, and I am happy to say that I am still really enjoying this. I still feel like I have so much energy, and one of the best bonuses so far is that the sluggish “I’m-not-ready-to-wake-up” feeling I always fought in the morning is basically gone.

Even after I’ve had a bad night with Hank, I still feel much better in the mornings. That in itself is making this worth it.

I no longer feel like I’m a slave to my cravings. I had a bad day on Tuesday, for some reason an intense craving for sugar hit me like a freight train around lunch time on Tuesday and it raged for most of the afternoon. I was able to stave it off by eating an orange, and a friend of mine suggested that I may not have had enough fruit in the previous days–and I think she was right. I upped my fruit intake a little and I haven’t felt a single craving since.

I even made regular chocolate chip cookies this morning with Ruby, and I wasn’t even tempted. Usually I eat half the dough before it makes it onto the pan, and then enjoy several cookies fresh out of the oven. I didn’t even want them today. :)

I feel like my tastes have diversified and I’m enjoying things I normally wouldn’t so much more. I’m really excited about trying new vegetables and I’m already planning out meals for week 3!

My weight loss this week hasn’t been as dramatic, but I’m still losing an average of half a pound per day. It doesn’t sound like much, but it adds up and I am so happy.

In short, I feel great. I was really worried that I would get bored of the food and revert back to my old (unhealthy) ways, but I am still really excited about this. Almost every recipe I’ve tried has been a win, and I’ve been virtually sugar and processed food free for 11 days!

I know I keep bombarding your newsfeeds with photos of my food, but it is actually really helpful for me. It keeps me so accountable knowing that people are watching, and it has helped me not cheat! So, thanks. I’m sorry if it’s driving you crazy. haha

I’m going to try and post a new recipe every day on my Facebook page, and I’ll let you know what works and what doesn’t. Don’t be afraid to give this a whirl–if you’re not ready to go full time, why not start making Paleo(ish) dinners? If they work for you, then go for lunch too. A change begins with a single step–take a leap with me!

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The Big Decision*

For the past several weeks I’ve really been wrestling with what to do with regards to work.

I finished my last LTO at the end of January last year. I debated whether or not I should supply teach a little bit in February so that I wouldn’t eat up any of my maternity leave time if the baby was late, but I was so pregnant and tired that I just wanted to be home. I ended up having four glorious weeks at home with Ruby, and it gave me some much needed time to prepare the house for baby #2.

As a result, my maternity leave is scheduled to end on January 31st. I’ve been feeling a bit anxious about it because for the longest time Hank wouldn’t take any type of bottle or cup. Since he was born, I haven’t spent more than 3 hours away from him as he just will not take a bottle.

(We finally had a minor victory yesterday when he drank 4oz of formula from a sippy cup without a fight. It was glorious.)

I also don’t have my daycare arrangements finalized yet. I have a few leads, but nothing it set in stone. I like when things are set in stone. I’m trying hard to work it out so that the kids will be with someone I know; I still feel a bit uneasy about sending them to a public daycare while Hank is so little. I want to eventually send Ruby to a preschool, but I honestly just haven’t done much research into the ones in my area just yet.

So, I’ve been wrestling with what I should do. A big part of me is so excited to get back to work. I miss teaching. I miss the hustle and bustle of life in a high school. I miss using my brain for things other than remembering that I need to buy more diapers.

At the same time, I don’t feel quite ready. It was a little easier with Ruby because she had no issues taking a bottle or soother, and she was able to stay with a friend of ours during the day. It was a perfect arrangement and I had no qualms about heading back to work when I did. But Hank is a different baby, and he has just needed me a little more than she did.

After playing out every possible scenario in my head–supply teaching part time, supply teaching full time, half day or full day LTO, or even working in intermediate so there would be less marking (but oh, so much more planning..)–I still didn’t feel quite right about any of them.

Then, late one night as I sat rocking my (not-so) small boy in his dark, quiet room, I decided to take a little more time off. I discussed it with the Hubster, and the next day I sent a request off to my supervisor and I waited (im)patiently for her response. Thankfully my request was approved, and now I don’t have to go back until March 2nd, which gives me another full month at home with my two toads. It means I’m out of the running for full-semester LTOs (and maybe LTOs entirely depending on what’s available), but I feel at peace with the decision. As soon as the idea popped into my head, I knew it was right for me.

So, that’s where I’m at. I’m not sure what I’ll be heading back to in March, but at least I have a little more time to prepare for it. :)

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