I realize that that probably makes me sound incredibly shallow, but I can’t help it. I always hit a point where my hair has been in a similarish style for several months and I start thinking about ways I can change it up to make it more exciting.

I went to Btown last weekend to see my family while the Hubster went camping. Spart had a hair appointment on Saturday, and since we have the same stylist, I decided to go with her to see if I could get my bangs trimmed at the same time. As the stylist started working with her hair, I felt old, familiar pangs of jealousy that I’ve been dealing with my whole life.

You see, I’ve always felt like I got the short end of the stick when it comes to hair in my family. Both my sisters have amazing, red, curly hair–like stop in the street to stare amazing red hair.

We a little bit like a Brady Bunch family in that we have an even split with the children in our family–three boys and three girls. Doodle is the oldest, then all three of us girls followed in succession. Peeah  is the oldest girl, and she ended up with huge, dark red curls:

Next was Spart, and she too ended up with red curls:

And then I came along, and I got neither the red hair or the big curls like my sisters. My hair is much more of a brownish auburn color, and while my hair is wavy, it doesn’t do nearly what both Peeah’s and Spart’s does.

So, I’ve always been a little bit jealous. You always want what you don’t have, right?

With some effort, I used to be able to scrunch it up and get some fun curly waves. I didn’t even own a straightener in the days before I met the Hubster when I lived on my own in The City. And while they aren’t the same big curls like my sisters, I used to love when I could get my hair to do this:

And yes, I used to be a blonde:

I was barely 19 – 20 in those photos, and that’s really the last time that I remember having really good curly hair. Not long after I got married I bought my first hair straightener and I’ve had one ever since. It didn’t even occur to me that straightening my hair every day could make me lose what little curl I did have. As time as passed I’ve noticed that when I did want to leave my hair curly, it just didn’t seem to have the same… oomph that it used to.

So, as I was sitting in the salon with Spart this weekend the  stylist laughed as she noticed that her bangs don’t even curl anymore as she straightens them every day.

And it hit me: have I killed my curls?

I’ve been thinking about it since Saturday and the idea of it has made me quite sad. Then almost like she knew what I was thinking about, my friend Steph posted the most amazing curly hair tutorial on her blog last night.

While my hair is currently much longer than what is shown in the tutorial, the way in which hers curls is very similar to mine–or at least the way it used to.If you’ve been following all my weekly belly photos, you’ll see my hair is straight in almost all of them. I’ve gotten in this habit of straightening my hair every day, even though it takes more time and effort than leaving it curly.

So, I made a decision: for the next seven days I’m not going to straighten my hair.

If that goes well, I’m not going to straighten it until Christmas.

I started this morning. While I didn’t have the exact products she used, I had similar ones and followed through with what she said. I ended up with big, loose waves that I am actually loving.

They’re not the curls I used to have, but I’m intrigued to see if I can make them come back. I did have to straighten my bangs a bit as they are so short right now, but as they grow a little longer I’ll stop that as well.

I’m going out today to pick up the hair products she recommends in her post, and I’ll take regular photos to see if my hair changes at all over the next few days / weeks.

Bring on the lion hair!

(via: http://www.vancouveryogareview.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/balance.jpg)

Balance.

I feel like it’s a theme I keep coming back to again and again this year. I honestly don’t know how people do it–find a balance between work and home, self and family, responsibility and recreation.

In the past few weeks work has picked up. A lot. With the exception of two sick days and one day without a call, I’ve worked every day since the March Break.

Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled about this. We need the money more than ever, and I’m finally in a really good place with my job. I would say that ninety-five percent of the calls I get are requests to work at one of my three favourite schools. I’m now usually booked several days in advance, and I rarely wake up wondering where I’ll be working that day.

I really do love my job.

…but I also find it exhausting.

In some ways I almost think that teaching is like a drug for me. I love it, and I ride this high wave all day long… and then crash when I get home. I am so tired at the end of the day. I always wake up with these awesome intentions to exercise, clean and get things done after work.

…and then I come home and none of it happens.

I just don’t know how people do it. And all this happiness surrounding my job is tinged with shadows of failure over all the other things I’m not doing.

I’m not exercising, and I really want to be. I really looked at myself in the mirror this morning and realized how ashamed I am of my body right now. I feel awkward and disproportionate. I feel… unattractive.

And I want to do something about it. I really, really do. But I don’t know where to start.

How on earth do people fit it in? I already wake up at 6am every day, and I really don’t think I could handle anything earlier. My ideal time would be between work and dinner, but I’m so tired when I get home from work. I could go after dinner, but I always feel gross after eating.

And then it’s dark and time for bed.

I know that the summer holidays are coming, but at this point they still feel forever away.

I just don’t know how to do everything.

I don’t know how to find balance.

(via: http://valuestream2009.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/systems-thinking1.png)

…being a grown-up is awesome. But also hard.

…I miss Ghetto U. And Bo Bandy. And Star.

…I love my house.

…I love my neighbours.

…I need to start running again, but I wish I had someone to go with.

…I’m so tired.

…my laundry is in the dryer. I should go get it.

…this week felt incredbily long, but also went by incredibly fast.

…I miss my family.

…I love that my family actually  likes to spend time together.

…the Hubster is working so hard to make our home nice. I need to tell him more that I’m grateful for all he does.

…I love my house, but I think we need a break. Date night?

…this face mask makes my face feel weird.

…I heard my niece on the phone tonight, and I realized (again) just how much I love that child.

…I need groceries.

…we need a lawn mower.

…we have a lot of beautiful books that I have never read.

…so much to do, so little time.

…so much I want to do, so many obligations.

…still tired.

This is a post that has absolutely nothing to do with my new house.

(Shocking, I know. haha)

Yesterday was a very special day for me. I think I mentioned previously that I had been rehearsing for a small musical I was in. It was a production based on the parable of The 10 Virgins:

Beautiful words and music give an identity and an individual story to each of the Ten Virgins. Each possesses a positive quality or virtue that could be wisely developed. But as their stories unfold, the struggles of their daily lives present each woman with choices that determine her path.

Will she prepare herself with lamps trimmed and burning when the Bridegroom comes? Or will she procrastinate and find herself left outside and alone?

With a stirring blend of songs, scripture, and narration, this musical program based on the well-known parable allows readers to relate to the actions and motives of the Ten Virgins. (source)

I played the character of Nava: “A woman who diligently prepares”–a young virgin who forgets to bring extra oil on the eve of the wedding. It wasn’t an enormous role, but I had a few lines to memorize and a solo to learn.

We had a dress rehearsal and sound check on Friday night, and I have to be honest–I was a little worried. I had trouble remembering my lines, I wasn’t sure how to move on stage, and I was just generally getting lost in the technical aspects of the performance. It ended up being a bit of a late night, and I went home feeling less than confident about the performance the next day.

Something changed on Friday night. When I woke up on Saturday, I somehow got out of my head and let go of the details and my focus shifted to the message of my part, and not the perfection of my lines. I rehearsed a little in the morning, and by the time I was in my outfit and make-up, I wasn’t at all nervous, even though I think there were approximately 200 women in the audience.

It wasn’t a perfect performance, but it was just… magical. Everyone did so well, and the audience really seemed to connect well to the characters and message of the play. It was almost funny, when I was first asked to be a part of the production, I didn’t understand why I had been selected for this character. I didn’t feel like I related with Nava at all.

…but by the end, I realized that her story was so me, and I’m actually really sad that it’s all over.

There was so much I loved about being a part of this–for one, it felt so good to perform again. I forgot how much I loved to sing and perform and just be involved with a production like this. I felt like it woke up a piece of me that has been sleeping for so, so long.

I also loved the other women I performed with. Our little cast of 11 (+ 1 amazing director) was packed with phenomenal, vibrant women. As we didn’t really have many rehearsals as a group, I never really expected such strong connections to form between us, especially as many of us didn’t really know each other when it began. But when we said goodbye yesterday, I was actually really disappointed that it was ending and that I would no longer have the same opportunities to see everyone on a regular basis.

Lastly, I loved the spirit and message of this production. In our rehearsal before the big day, our director made a comment to us that really made me stop and think. I’m paraphrasing badly, but it was essentially that our goal was not to entertain the audience, it was to inspire.

I can’t speak for anyone in the audience, but I know that being involved with this production inspired me. At the end of the musical, when my character realizes that she has not brought enough oil to light her lamp for the bridegroom, she is devastated. She has tried so hard to be the best she can be and diligently prepare for this momentous event, but she just… forgets. She falls to the floor weeping when she realizes that she won’t be a part of the wedding.

I feel that way sometimes… like I’m stretching myself so far in so many directions trying to be the best I can be, that I forget to hold onto some of the most important things. That what I do isn’t enough–that I’m not enough.

Becoming Nava for those few months has inspired me to focus on what’s really important and just… let go of everything else.

Anyway. I wish I could have captured it on video for you, but you’ll have to make do with my scattered thoughts and descriptions.

…and photos! Our wonderful director put together a smilebox for us with some photos from our rehearsal and performance. You’ll see I’m wearing my glasses in some of them, and insane make-up in the others. Any guesses about which ones are rehearsals and which are performance pictures? haha

Here are some of my favs: (you can click on them to enlarge the photos)

Nava: A Woman Who Diligently Prepares*

Rehearsing my song*

The finale*

The Cast*

Cast + our amazing director!! xo

You can see all the photos here:

The Ten Virgins: A Musical Parable

I’ve decided not to do a Thrifty Thursday post this week. It has been a crazy few days…

As you know, I wrapped up my course on Monday. The last three days have been a whirlwind of packing, organizing and work. Our little apartment is slowly being devoured by boxes, but it still feels like there is so much to do.

I didn’t get any time to go shopping this week, and most of my purchases from earlier weeks are all packed away in boxes, which leaves this particular Thursday decidedly un-thrifty.

Sorry, loves.

As it is, I’m also up in B-town with my family for Easter. I spent the most lovely afternoon / evening with Peeah, Fireman and my perfect niece and nephew. Pingo is cuter than I ever thought possible, and Hugh is a tank. He is barely two months old and is already covered in rolls and weighs 15lbs.

In other words, he is ADORABLE.

Peeah seems to think that she’s finished having children, but I think that since her children are so cute, that she should probably have another one… or two.

…or six.

You know.

So, I’m sorry that I don’t have anything fun to show you–I will be back with more thrifted treasures soon, I promise. :)

Actually, our adventures started last night.

As our moving date gets closer and closer (Two weeks! Two weeks!) our “date nights / days” have changed a little bit. Instead of going out for dinner, we find ourselves in Canadian Tire and Home Depot, dreaming about all the projects we hope to take on in our new home.

A deck! A dishwasher! A garden! A finished basement! New windows!

…just to name a few.

We know that many of these projects will be years in the making, but it’s lovely to dream about how it will all look when everything is finished.

Last night was no exception. It began with the conclusion of my camera hunt. Since our camera broke two weeks ago, I’ve been online every day searching for the right camera at the right price. I had really forgotten just how expensive cameras are, and we didn’t have $250 to throw around for a semi-decent camera. I finally found our exact camera on sale for $140… but the sale ended before we had time to go out together. Then, on a whim, I decided to check a store that I hadn’t thought of before and found a  better camera on sale for $110.

We jumped in the car and got it immediately.

It was just such a terrible time for our camera to die–of all the milestones in our lives, this is absolutely one I want to document with photos! I’m just glad that we were able to replace it for a reasonable price.

From there it was off to Crappy Tire and Home Depot where we wandered around and looked at tools and projects. We picked up a few things on our “Need to Buy” list, then headed home so that I could have some time to work on my final project for my course.

By 11:00pm I was asleep on the couch. (When did I get so old?! haha) The Hubster gently woke me and it was off to bed.

This morning we were up early as the Hubster had a meeting. We braved the torrential downpour and drove off–it was the craziest rain that I have ever seen. We survived the drive, and the Hubster dropped me off at IKEA and went to work.

Confession: IKEA = ♥

I love that store… I can easily spend a few hours in there without becoming the least bit bored. Today I went looking for curtains and found a set that I love. I have always loved the look of a double curtain (sheer set underneath, colored curtain on top) and I found some wicked charcoal curtains and a pretty diamond pattern sheer curtain to go with it. I can’t wait to put them up! I also found a pretty grey rug for our living room. Since our furniture set is black, I’ve decided to start with grey and white accents in the room, then I’ll mix in a pop of colour.

I just haven’t decided which color yet. :)

The Hubster came to meet me after his meeting, though he wasn’t quite as excited by my purchases as I was.

(Who doesn’t love curtains!?)

We ventured back out into the crazy rain and ran a few more errands before heading home. We probably spent entirely too much money today, but we’re just so excited about our house–we can’t wait to move!

Today we worked on packing the bedroom… slowly but surely my clothes and shoes are disappearing into boxes. (Don’t worry, I haven’t sealed the shoe box yet. I’m not ready. haha)

The wall of boxes in our living room is slowly taking over–I’ll take a picture soon to show you!

Our “Date Days” have certainly changed a little, but I think I love them even more. I love that we’re working towards something together, and that everything we’re doing now is an investment into our future. Our trips to plan out our home and the things we want to do together have become my favourite parts of each week.

Who knew Home Depot was such a great place for a date? :)

(via: http://wwwdelivery.superstock.com/WI/223/1660/PreviewComp/SuperStock_1660R-21515.jpg)

Teenagers these days fascinate me.

In some ways I feel like they already know so much more than I ever did at that age, but then at the same time I sometimes have to wonder if they are really prepared for life outside the four walls of a high school.

One of the things I am constantly surprised by is their attitudes towards tests. Now, this certainly doesn’t apply to everyone, but I always find there is a certain group of students in every class that panic a little during tests. These are good kids who have either forgotten about the test, didn’t prepare as well as they should have, or are maybe just having a rough day.

In any case, I see them staring hard at their papers, willing the answers to the questions they are stuck to pop into their minds. They stare down, then look at the ceiling in frustration…

…and then their eyes wander to the person sitting next to them, busy writing out the answer to the question they are stuck on. Some hesitate a moment before looking over, others try to wait until I’m not looking, and some don’t care what I’m doing–they just need the answer.

Some try to keep a pencil in one hand, and their cell phone in the other under the table. I mean, if they’re only “checking” the answer they were going to give anyway, it’s not cheating, right?

It blows me away. These aren’t “bad” kids, they are are just unprepared, and accepting responsibility for  their lack of preparedness and possibly failing just isn’t an option. They have already figured out that they need good grades in their classes for whatever their next stage in life will be, and they’re willing to do whatever it takes to get there–including cheating.

So, I can’t help but wonder: is their drive to pass and succeed more important  than the drive to be honest?

Do honesty and integrity even matter anymore? As along as the desired mark is achieved, does it matter how you got it?

I couldn’t ever do it. My conscience eats me alive, and the thought of handing in something that isn’t my own has always left me feeling a little bit sick to my stomach.

…but maybe I’m just old fashioned. Maybe some kids today think that success is more important than honesty.

Are they right? In the grand scheme of things, does a little high school test matter?

*sigh*

Is this what my life has become? It feels like the same cycle over and over and over…. wake up. Get Ready. Go to work. Come home. Unwind for 5 minutes. Make Dinner. Work on course. Sleep.

*sigh*

I think I’m just ready for my course to be finished. I only have a few weeks left, and I’m struggling to keep up with the momentum it’s pushing forward. It doesn’t help that the move is consuming almost all of my thoughts (exciting!!!!!!!!), and that I’d much rather be packing, planning and shopping for the new house than developing professional development resources for my colleagues.

Also, it was 21°C today. AH! It was so beautiful out… and I had no time to go enjoy it. Did I tell you that I just bought a new bike?

(I just bought a new bike!)

Actually, my new lovely bicyclette is already 10 days old and I haven’t even had a chance to take it out for a spin yet. Mind you, the death flu of last week didn’t help at all.. but today would have been perfect.

Alas, there just wasn’t time.

Because instead of biking, I did dishes. And laundry. And groceries, now that I think about it.

When did I become so boring?

Actually, three weeks from now we’ll probably be passed out somewhere on the floor, utterly exhausted.

…but it will be in our new house! haha

It’s almost funny… it feels like it’s SO far away, but at the same time it’s so close it’s scary!  The move is always at the edge of our thoughts, and slowly but surely our cute little apartment is being packed into boxes.

For the past several weeks our Saturday adventures have been to Canadian Tire and Home Depot as we plan the projects for our new house! The Hubster has bought a few books to help us along as we go, and we’re so excited to get our hands dirty!

Most of all, I can’t wait to start shopping. Until now, most  of my thrift store adventures have been for clothes and shoes… and in just three weeks I’ll have space to shop for furniture projects and decorations! I am so excited to sand and paint and transform! The first thing I’ll be hunting for is a new dresser for our bedroom.

In other exciting news, today I found the jewelry tray I was originally looking for! It’s similar in design to the one Charity found, and it’s exactly I wanted! I didn’t get a chance to take a photo tonight, but I will tomorrow. It’ll look fab on my new dresser (that I haven’t found yet. haha).

Lastly, I am feeling much better today. Thank you for all your kind words and thoughts–I think the flu has finally passed. :)

(via: http://homeremediesfortoothpain.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/stress-free.jpeg)

Remember my super vent-y post last night about how tired and busy and stressed I was?

I had a surprise day off today. It was magical.

I honestly thought that today would be even worse than yesterday, especially when we woke up to a call from the Hubster’s work at 6:05am. He was on the phone back and forth for 20 minutes trying to get things organized, while I flew around the apartment getting our things together and trying to have the world’s fastest shower. I was trying to get ready so that I could drive him to work as I thought I’d need the car for my work.

I didn’t get a supply call for today last night, but usually that means that I just get a dreaded morning call. They can come anytime between 6am and 8:20am, and while you think it might be bad to get a call at 6am, I actually prefer it. It at least gives me some time to prepare. When it’s 7:45 and I don’t have a call yet, I assume that I am going to have the day off… then the phone rings at 8am and it’s rush rush rush.

Anyway.

I waited, and waited… and the phone didn’t ring. I took the Hubster to work, and still the phone didn’t ring. Then 8am passed, and at 8:30 it finally hit me: I had a day off. :)

I was already wide awake and dressed, so I decided to use my time to work on some of the things I’ve been stressing over. I packed three totes worth of dishes, one huge box of clothes and another of books. I did the dishes, folded my laundry AND put it away (joy!!).

…and then I went shopping!

I went for a long leisurely shop at two thrift stores and found two cute pairs of shoes and a new spring coat! I also had time to pick up this month’s book club book. AND I even had time to read some of it!

Best of all? I finally had some time to rehearse my song for an upcoming musical production I’m in. It’s nothing big, but I have a song to learn, and as I’m singing it solo I thought it might be wise to learn the words. haha!

This day was exactly what I needed. I submitted my assignment late last night, so there was less guilt and I actually relaxed.

I feel like me again.

And that feels good. :)